Today

Sure, I didn’t press submit - but I also didn’t press delete.

I sat down and wrote today.

I took a moment and decided to carpe diem that shit.

…trying not to care if the result itself might, in fact, be shit.

…trying not to think it could even possibly be.

I sat down and wrote today - because I had to

…because my body, mind, and spirit are working hard to conspire in her favor.

In the favor of who it is I want to be.

Who I need to be.

My autopilot of avoidance and apathy have yet to forfeit their hold

…but praise God, I can feel them losing their grip.

I’ve started speaking up more - talking about what I want

… even in the uncertainty of what exactly that is.

What I know is this:

I need to know what action feels like

…because my passions have atrophied due to an overuse of nouns and lack of verbs.

I need to seek the clarity and freedom found in abundance

…because I have become blinded and bound by excess.

So, because of this, I sat down and wrote today.

Yesterday. It gets no redos.

Tomorrow. It has no guarantee.

So, until forever more let me be able to say -

That in some fashion, in some way

“I sat down and wrote today.”

I Say F*&% in Church.